CARL KASELL, HOST:
From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Roy Blount, Jr., and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Carl.
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SAGAL: Thank you. Thank you so much. In just a minute, Carl celebrates the champions of this year's Rhyme-Bowl in the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Roy, this week, we said a fond farewell to Michele Bachmann. She left the presidential race after her poor showing in Iowa. And one of the reasons she might have done poorly is that on the day before the caucus, on Monday, instead of campaigning for her, her husband Marcus Bachmann spent his time doing what?
ADAM FELBER: Many things come to mind.
ROY BLOUNT: I know.
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SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. Apparently their dog Boomer, his future is very bright. It's so bright...
BLOUNT: He's going to have puppies. She's going to have puppies.
SAGAL: No.
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BLOUNT: It's so bright that whatever is next in God's plan for Boomer.
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BLOUNT: He's so bright that...
FELBER: Like physically bright.
BLOUNT: Physically bright. Oh, he decorated the dog like a Christmas tree.
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SAGAL: Well, he did actually decorate the dog a little bit. He got the dog what?
BLOUNT: Oh, gave him some sunglasses.
SAGAL: Yes, indeed.
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SAGAL: Thank you.
BLOUNT: Wow.
SAGAL: Instead of helping his wife campaign, he was out shopping for doggie sunglasses.
AMY DICKINSON: Wait a minute.
BLOUNT: Oh I never...
SAGAL: This is true. In her concession speech where she announced she was dropping out of the race...
FELBER: She mentioned it.
SAGAL: Michele Bachmann said, quote, "Yesterday, when we were out on Main Street in Des Moines, he was out buying doggie sunglasses for our dog Boomer, while we were all out visiting the many businesses," unquote. She did not then go on to say, quote, "and it was then that I realized you were all right about him all along."
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SAGAL: This is on video and I urge you to see it, because when she drops this revelation, Marcus Bachmann, standing next to her, makes a face like the Pillsbury Dough Boy would if he got busted for cross dressing. It's like oops, I've been a naughty boy.
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SAGAL: It's terrible.
FELBER: I just can't believe that Marcus, after all these years, can't find a more plausible way to explain away the missing time that he was...
BLOUNT: That's what I was just thinking.
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FELBER: Sorry, honey, I was shopping for doggie sunglasses.
BLOUNT: It's like, "Marcus, where were you?" Sunglasses for the dog, for the dog.
FELBER: For Boomer, for Boomer.
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SAGAL: Maybe, I have a possible explanation, because this also explains the entire presidential campaign of Michele Bachmann. Maybe they're on some weird months-long scavenger hunt.
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SAGAL: It's like here item, item in the scavenger hunt list, become GOP front-runner briefly. Next item: doggie sunglasses. Okay, got them. How did the planning meeting go? It's like, okay, it's the day before the caucuses. I'm going to go and I'm going to go and shore up our support with the caucus leaders. Oh, that's great, I'm going to go and do media. And I'll get the doggie sunglasses.
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FELBER: I think what happened...
BLOUNT: Marcus always gets the doggie sunglasses.
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FELBER: No, I think that probably happened every day on the campaign. You know, so one of the staffers had a list and Marcus would be like "and I'll do a press availability session." And they're like, no, no, no, we need doggie sunglasses, Marcus.
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SAGAL: Yes.
FELBER: Oh, all right.
SAGAL: You never know. Roy, a team of Japanese researchers have invented a revolutionary new security system for cars, possibly eliminating the need for keys and/or your dignity. What is it?
BLOUNT: My dignity?
SAGAL: Yeah.
If you use the car.
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DICKINSON: If he had any.
SAGAL: Let me explain more clearly. As you know, for a long time you've started your car by turning a key.
BLOUNT: A key, yeah.
SAGAL: And now they've got these keyless ignitions where the car knows it's you because you've got something in your pocket. This is an advance. It can tell it's you by your what?
BLOUNT: By you say, in Japanese...
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BLOUNT: You have to say it just like this too, in Japanese - I don't speak Japanese - you have to say "Hey, little car, it's me."
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BLOUNT: Something like that?
SAGAL: Who's your best buddy? Who's your best buddy?
FELBER: Wuddy, wuddy, wuddy, wuddy.
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FELBER: Who's going to start up? Who's going to start up?
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FELBER: Who's little engine is going to start up?
BLOUNT: Daddy's here.
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FELBER: Give me some sugar.
BLOUNT: No, I don't know.
SAGAL: You don't know?
BLOUNT: Well, I'll try to work on it some more if you like.
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SAGAL: It recognizes the driver once you're in the driver's seat.
BLOUNT: It smells you.
SAGAL: No.
BLOUNT: No. It recognizes your bottom...
SAGAL: It can scan - it does. It scans your bottom.
BLOUNT: It scans your bottom.
SAGAL: It's got a butt scanner.
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BLOUNT: All right.
DICKINSON: Finally, the butt scanner.
SAGAL: The butt scanners are here.
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SAGAL: You get in your car and your seat electronically scans your butt for identifying features.
BLOUNT: I'll be darn.
SAGAL: It's like two cheeks, check.
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SAGAL: Appropriate space in between them, check. Slightly bigger than the last time you sat down, yeah.
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SAGAL: Inventors claim the butt scan is 98 percent accurate. It's less intrusive and more convenient than a fingerprint or iris scans since all you have to do is sit down. However...
FELBER: But 98 percent accurate isn't enough.
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SAGAL: Really?
FELBER: When you're going or not going depends on your own butt.
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DICKINSON: I hate to rely on my butt for anything.
FELBER: What do you do when it doesn't start? You call AAA and they send like a butt double down?
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SAGAL: These have actually been very successful in Japan. They haven't done well in American...
DICKINSON: Well they don't have butts.
SAGAL: Yeah, well that's the problem.
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SAGAL: They tried it in American in test markets and all the butt scanners suffocated.
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(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.