Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
12:00 pm
Sat December 10, 2011

Panel Round Two

Transcript

CARL KASELL, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Kyrie O'Connor, Peter Grosz and Charlie Pierce. And here again is your host, at the EKU Center for the Arts in Richmond, Kentucky, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

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SAGAL: Thanks everybody. In just a minute, Carl rides Rhyme-Biscuit all the way to the Triple Crown in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, though, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Peter, NASA may be done with shuttle missions, but that doesn't mean they're done innovating. This week they've introduced a new piece of technology to the International Space Station at long last. What is it?

PETER GROSZ: A toilet.

SAGAL: No. They've had that.

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SAGAL: Although, man, if they just got one of those now, it would have been an uncomfortable last few years for them wouldn't it?

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GROSZ: Is anybody going back to earth? I really have to go to the bathroom.

SAGAL: Could we pull over?

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GROSZ: It's a new piece of technology. What kind is it? Give me a hint.

SAGAL: Well it's a piece of technology that's very common here on earth, but they've just managed to figure out a way to get one onto the Space Station.

GROSZ: A radio.

SAGAL: No, the only problem is they're going to have to find a pocket on their space suits for quarters.

GROSZ: Oh, a washing machine.

SAGAL: Yeah, a laundry machine.

GROSZ: Laundry machine.

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SAGAL: They finally have a laundry machine on the Space Station. It's great. Life on the International Space Station just got a lot more civilized and better smelling. Thanks to a high tech washer/dryer, astronauts will no longer be forced to wear the same pair of underwear for three days and then jettison them into low earth orbit.

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SAGAL: That's what they've been doing.

GROSZ: That's why I can't get cell phone reception is because there's a bunch of underwear blocking the satellites.

SAGAL: Well, no, actually...

KYRIE O'CONNOR: It's their Russian underpants.

SAGAL: The thing is, like, what is it like orbiting the earth? Is it making the earth look like a frat house with all the dirty underwear?

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SAGAL: No, what happens is they jettison it in a downward trajectory so that it burns up on reentry.

CHARLIE PIERCE: God, I hope so.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's what...

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PIERCE: Because I'd hate to wake up and have a whole bunch of Russian underwear in my backyard some morning in a big crater.

SAGAL: It burns up on reentry, so that like that shooting star you wished on last night?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You just wished to reunite with your sweetheart on some astronaut's flaming underpants.

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PIERCE: The only drawback with this dryer thing up there now is that they're going to have to abandon the International Space Station when it becomes too filled with unmatched socks.

SAGAL: It'll be terrible.

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GROSZ: And there's going to be one astronaut, the creepy astronaut who always hangs out in the laundry room. It's like just get out of here, man.

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GROSZ: Go lead somewhere else. I know you're looking at my underwear when I leave.

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SAGAL: Charlie, times are tough all over, including in the UK where who is now facing a pay freeze?

PIERCE: The royal family.

SAGAL: Indeed, the entire royal household, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The UK is facing a major deficit, so even the Queen is being asked to cut back. She's getting a pay freeze and UK taxpayers will no longer be footing the bill for many of her family's expenses. This explains the Craigslist ad recently seen, "Roommate wanted for 250 bedroom palace. No weirdos."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I guess in the royal family it would be no more weirdos.

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GROSZ: No inbreds.

SAGAL: Yes.

GROSZ: Enough already.

SAGAL: We assume that if this continues, the Queen will have to get a job, perhaps as a commercial pitchwoman for TV comedies. We are very amused by the new "Two and a Half Men."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: They don't get that show over there.

SAGAL: Well, you know, they might.

GROSZ: "Two and a Half Chaps."

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SAGAL: You know what they should do, they should follow our lead and do pledge drives.

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SAGAL: In the middle of ceremonies...

PIERCE: Certainly, she's got plenty of tote bags.

SAGAL: Exactly. She could afford to lose her little purses.

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SAGAL: She'd be like, hello, are you enjoying your monarchy? Well, to continue bringing the monarchy to you, we ask you to contribute.

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SAGAL: I could see that.

GROSZ: Do you enjoy my grandson dressing like a Nazi?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: That costume doesn't come for free, you know.

SAGAL: Your support goes to support our ridiculously indulgent lifestyle.

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SAGAL: Charlie, this week Eric Bolling of Fox Business News alerted viewers to the newest threat to the American way of life. What is this threat?

PIERCE: The anti-capitalist propaganda of the muppets.

SAGAL: Indeed, yes, the Muppets.

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SAGAL: Bolling's evidence of this? The new Muppet movie with evil oil baron Tex Richmond, Richmond, in the movie wants to tear down the Muppet's theater to drill for oil. But as Bolling pointed out, do this or the other Muppet movies ever say one word about the benefits of carbon based fuels?

He says, quote, "None of the movies remind people what oil means for most people, which is fuel to light a hospital or heat your home or maybe fuel an ambulance to get you to a hospital if you need that," unquote. Geez, what must it be like to watch movies with Eric Bolling.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's like, gosh, think how many jobs Darth Vader created building that Death Star.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.