Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:39 pm
Fri September 7, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat September 8, 2012 11:24 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia on September 20th. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KATHLEEN PENDLETON: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

PENDLETON: This is Kathleen.

SAGAL: Hello, Kathleen. Where are you calling from?

PENDLETON: I'm calling from Gainesville, Georgia.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Gainesville?

PENDLETON: I actually just live in Gainesville. I work in Athens, Georgia at the university.

SAGAL: Oh yeah, the University of Georgia there, right, yes?

PENDLETON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly. And what do for them?

PENDLETON: I am a secretary, or as we like to say "administrative assistant."

SAGAL: I see.

TOM BODETT: What color is your pen?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Kathleen, welcome to the show.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis right here is going to perform for you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be the winner of our game. Are you ready to play?

PENDLETON: Oh gosh. Yes, OK, I'm ready.

SAGAL: You seemed surprised.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You knew what you were getting into when you called us.

PENDLETON: I know, I know, I know.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go; here is your first limerick. Bill?

BILL KURTIS: The battlefield's mist portends doom, yet it carries the scent of fresh bloom. And no one can tell there's a gunpowder smell, 'cause we've masked it by spraying?

PENDLETON: Perfume.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Iran has developed a new military strategy called "Deceit Perfume." It works like this: a fragrance machine pumps out a pleasant odor that masks the scent of Iranian troops and gunpowder, that sort of thing.

So, you can imagine, say, two marines, they're out on patrol and they hear something. You know they hear something, it's like, "oh is that Iranian troops?" And the other guy is like, "I don't know, but that freshly baked bread just shot me."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: You've seen me gorge food like a shark. Oh, I've heard all your snaky remarks. For reduced appetite I'll try dimming the lights, because folks eat much less in the?

PENDLETON: Oh, in the dark.

SAGAL: In the dark, that's right. There you go another diet tip for you.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Good for you.

SAGAL: Turn off the lights. A new study from Cornell and the Georgia Institute of Technology has discovered the secret to weight loss. If you eat your food in the dark, you will eat less, probably because you can't find your damn food.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How was dinner? I don't know, I had to settle for the napkin, it's all I could find.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: So they mean completely dark?

SAGAL: Well, they mean actually dim. Actually, this is true; they conducted the research at a Hardees restaurant. And they took part of the Hardees and they dimmed it, you know candlelight, really dim, and people ate less.

BODETT: Well of course, if you dim the lights at a restaurant like that, you get suspicious. You know?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: It's like "what am I eating?" But you go in really nice restaurants and they're dim. And I mean I eat tons in those places.

JESSI KLEIN: Yeah. I eat the most in the dark because I feel like if I didn't see it, it didn't happen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, you're doing great. Here, of course, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: If my path at the firm has been dragging, it's because I have not set tongues wagging. So I'll speed up my fate by proclaiming I'm great. To get noticed, I need to be?

PENDLETON: Oh gosh, bragging.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Bragging.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

PENDLETON: Really?

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

PENDLETON: That was a random guess.

KURTIS: Kathleen.

SAGAL: According to a new study at Northwestern University, the way to get ahead at work is to brag as loudly and as often as possible about your past successes.

KURTIS: I really nailed that last limerick. I mean, I really read the crap out of it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You sure did. It was impressive. While we're taking the time, Bill, anything else you want to mention?

KURTIS: Women want to be with me.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: And men want to be me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kathleen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: You know, I think Kathleen scored a perfect. Athens, Georgia, you are great.

PENDLETON: Woo-hoo.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Kathleen.

(APPLAUSE)

PENDLETON: Thank you guys, it was so great.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.