Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
1:46 am
Sat May 5, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat May 5, 2012 11:48 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois, or you can check out the podcast "How to Do Everything." This week: Mike and Ian teach you how to make your next trip to Afghanistan the biggest surprise ever.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

LAUREN BECKER: Hi, this is Lauren Becker, calling from San Francisco.

SAGAL: Hey Lauren, how are you?

BECKER: I am great. I'm really excited.

SAGAL: Well, we're excited to have you. What do you do in that beautiful city?

BECKER: I work for an independent all-girls school.

SAGAL: OK.

BECKER: Right along the ocean. It's beautiful.

SAGAL: Oh that's beautiful. And what do you do for them?

BECKER: I do development. So I do a lot of project management and fundraising.

SAGAL: Oh that's a lot of fun.

BECKER: It's more like fun-raising.

SAGAL: Fun-raising.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well welcome to the show, Lauren.

BECKER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to perform for you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: James Cameron might think that I'm manic. But it won't happen twice, so why panic? I'm not tempting fate. My ship will be great. I'm building another?

BECKER: Titanic.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Australian billionaire Clive Palmer announced this week he's building the Titanic 2. He' says it'll be exactly like the first Titanic in every way except the sinky way.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Titanic 2 is scheduled to follow the original Titanic's path, once it is launched in 2016. Coincidentally, a wealthy glacier in Greenland just announced construction of what it's calling Iceberg 2.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: Now that hunting is kept under locks, they've found some new prey for us jocks. We hear bugles that call and load paint-filled balls, hunting humans dressed up like a?

BECKER: Fox.

SAGAL: Yes, fox, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tired of sitting around your enormous country estate with nothing to do now that fox hunting has been banned in Britain? Well now there's an even better alternative: human fox hunting. It works like this: one person dresses up as a fox and runs away, while you and your friends chase him down with paintball guns.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Then the guy playing the fox has to spend the rest of his life draped around your wife's shoulders.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR: Well, you know what Oscar Wilde said.

SAGAL: What did Oscar Wilde say?

CHARLIE PIERCE: Everything.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

JR: He said fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No more.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: It's a little unwieldy to lug, but is soft, and it's warm and it's snug. A fuzzy plush phone that's a small human clone, like a pillow I'm able to?

BECKER: Oh god. Snug, lug. This is a hard one.

SAGAL: It is a hard one. Actually, it's very soft and affectionate, so you want to?

BECKER: Hug it.

SAGAL: Yes, hug.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many times have you been on the phone and thought, man I wish I was hugging this telemarketer right now? Well, so in Japan they've introduced the Hugvie, a high-tech huggable pillow phone that makes it seem like you're actually cuddling up with the person you're talking to. It's great for talking to your long-distance girlfriend, and will scar you for life when your mom calls on the other line.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Lauren do on our quiz?

KASELL: Lauren had three correct answers, Peter. So Lauren, I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

BECKER: Great.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Lauren.

BECKER: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.