May 30, 2012
Originally published on June 1, 2012 10:11 am




All right, standing in front of me right now are our two new contestants. Let's welcome Debbie Chen and Gregg Silverman.


EISENBERG: Oh, I like that. Very sportsmanlike. You shook beforehand, that is good, very nice, yes. Hi Debbie, welcome.


EISENBERG: I am told that recently you were teaching in Hong Kong.

CHEN: I was. Kindergarten, English.

EISENBERG: I know, adorable.

CHEN: They were really cute.

EISENBERG: I'm sure, yeah. And you joined a dragon boat team while you were there?

CHEN: I did. I only had one year there and it's something that I felt like, you know, was interesting and you could only really do there and have the full experience. So there were about 20 of us in a big boat and you just tried to be the first ones to the end, like most races.

EISENBERG: Follows the same race kind of idea.

CHEN: Yes.

EISENBERG: And how, how far do you go in a dragon boat race?

CHEN: I don't remember but it felt really far.

EISENBERG: It was like more than one second, right?

CHEN: Definitely. And we were the last ones to the start line, so we didn't win.

EISENBERG: Ah, but it was a good experience. And Gregg, I was told from a little bird that you knew your wife for what, 17 days before you proposed to her?






EISENBERG: That is a man who knows what he wants. And you proposed to her where?

SILVERMAN: I proposed to her in bed.

EISENBERG: Whoa, OK, relax.


JONATHAN COULTON: Can you be less specific?

EISENBERG: Aaaaaaaah.


COULTON: Studying for the pattern bar?

SILVERMAN: Yeah, kind of the buzz kill there.

EISENBERG: Studying for the bar?

SILVERMAN: Pattern bar, even better.

EISENBERG: Wow. OK. For some reason I thought you were in Alcatraz.

SILVERMAN: Oh no, that was where, that was where we got our rabbi. We... actually not Alcatraz, San Quentin. We were married by the prison chaplain from San Quentin.

EISENBERG: OK. Gregg, you are a puzzle actually. We don't have to give you a puzzle because you are one.

SILVERMAN: It's all good.

EISENBERG: You got - was it sort of like a metaphor, like now we enter into jail together?

SILVERMAN: No, just trying to find a rabbi to do a mixed marriage.

EISENBERG: OK. And that's where you get one.

SILVERMAN: That's where you get one.

EISENBERG: OK, fascinating.

COULTON: I'm utterly confused now. I don't even...

EISENBERG: Yeah, it was amazing. And how long - you're still married after...

SILVERMAN: 16 years.

EISENBERG: 16 years, all right.


EISENBERG: See, conventional, unconventional, it always works.

COULTON: Yeah, it's wonderful. It's wonderful. You know there's - apparently there's a lot of,- I don't do this because I'm an old person and I'm not married - but apparently a lot of people find love on the internet.

EISENBERG: Yes, they do. Online dating.

COULTON: You have any experience with the online dating?

EISENBERG: I did a little online dating, you know, when I moved to New York. Couldn't find anyone. But I was on "JDate" and, yeah, a couple of woos, that's hilarious. Actually just one woo. And you have to title your profile, like you have to give yourself a tagline. And mine was - I didn't know what to put because I was like I'm in my 30s, you know, I've dated a lot. So I just put "as is".


COULTON: Yeah. Well as it turns out, online dating is difficult for everyone, including fictional horror movie monsters and villains. They are also using those services so be careful when you're responding to ads. It might be a fictional monster or villain. That is actually the subject of our next game which is called E-horror-mony.


EISENBERG: E-horror-mony?

COULTON: E-horror-mony. So Ophira, as an example, see if you can figure out who wrote this online personals ad. I'm not your average hunk, 250 feet tall and a giant tail to boot. But if you like long walks on the beach, fire-breathing and destroying most of downtown Tokyo, I'm all yours.


EISENBERG: I, that would be "Godzilla" of course.


EISENBERG: Yes. Sooner or later everyone dates their father. OK.

COULTON: OK. So contestants, I'm going to read you some fictional personal ads from scary movie characters. Ring in and tell us the movie that they're from. So we don't need the character, we just need the name of the movie. Whoever gets more right will move on to our ASK ME ONE MORE final round at the end of the show. Are you ready?


COULTON: OK. You don't sound convinced. Do you love animals, especially lots of them all at the same time? I'm looking to swoop in and peck you all over. Warning, my boss will make a brief appearance on our first date. Gregg.

SILVERMAN: "The Birds."

COULTON: That is correct.


COULTON: I'm a busy writer but all work and no play makes me a dull boy. I've already picked out our first date, an isolated Colorado mountain hotel. Debbie.

CHEN: "The Shining."

COULTON: That's correct.



COULTON: Persistent lunatic looking for love, and I will not be ignored. You're married? I can work with that for a while, but please no pets, especially rabbits. Yes, Gregg.

SILVERMAN: "Fatal Attraction."

EISENBERG: "Fatal Attraction."



COULTON: It's lonely up here in this big house, technically all by myself. Mama's boy in search of an iconic woman for ominous conversation and film genre establishment. Let's take an unforgettable shower together. That was Debbie.

CHEN: "Psycho."

COULTON: That's right.

EISENBERG: "Psycho."


COULTON: Tired of the underground scene and the Nevada Desert. Ready to shake things up and burst out. I want to wrap myself tightly around you. Favorite food? Probably bacon, Kevin Bacon. Gregg, that was you.

SILVERMAN: "Tremors."

COULTON: Yes it is.


COULTON: Your movie knowledge speaks to a wasted life, Gregg.


COULTON: What? Sam. I'm only saying that because I'm threatened by how smart he seems.

EISENBERG: Oh he gets, he dings in right after the first line. But I feel like that's also, you know, maybe a strategy. Interesting, you've both used it.

COULTON: Me, disgraced former nurse and your biggest fan. You, successful writer looking to disappear for a while. Yes, Gregg.

SILVERMAN: "Misery."



COULTON: Gregg, you have won the game. Congratulations.


EISENBERG: You'll be moving on to our final Ask Me One More round. Another hand for Debbie Chen everybody.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.